'Sexual betrayal trauma differs from fear-based or 'stranger' traumas, because it is a violation that is perpetrated by the very person you would typically turn to for safety, comfort, and protection. It is the person who would be your refuge in the storm; the one you count on to respect your boundaries and your right to informed consent.
In sexual betrayal trauma, your significant other is the perpetrator of the event- the hypersexual narcissist is one who is not only preoccupied with pornography viewing, or purchases sex from sex workers, or visits cybersex chat rooms, or has affairs, he feels entitled to do so -and therefore cannot serve you as a protector, a refuge for healing.
In fact, this person now becomes the consistent reminder of the hurtful and devastating reality of the offense they've committed and the broken trust. You may also become steeped in fear of recurrent violations, feeling the need to be on constant alert for signs of further betrayals. You acquire the new role of chief investigator and steadfast spy in order to feel safe. This is not a role you ever aspired to, but you feel unmoored without it.
Not surprising that narcissistic personalities are highly correlated with sexual betrayal. Sexual intentness is typically on the narcissist's terms only. 'I want what I want when I want it.' Sex can be accessed and experienced with the simple touch of a key on the lap top or electronic device, or with payment to someone rendering such services, with no strings attached; no reciprocity of meeting a need, being held accountable to a standard, no judgement or measurement for performance.
The stimulating rush is experienced through fantasized, fictionalized stories of a very desirable, master of the sexual universe. Because this soothing and stimulating distraction is so easily accessible-and narcissists tend toward detachment and quick gratification, as well as insufficient self-control, poor boundaries, and a sense of entitlement to do as they please-the probability for hypersexual acting-out and sex addiction become compelling.
Beyond ruptured vows, narcissists who have violated the sexual boundaries; who secretly view pornography or engage in other sexual encounters outside the relationship, are likely to deliver calamitous and heartbreaking blows to a partner's sense of worth, once discovered. Partners are forced to try to make sense out of how the person they thought they knew, the one who has violated one of the most essential elements their relationship-trust. Partners may even begin to question their own worth and value, feel shame, and self-loathing, as they anticipate other people finding out and as they look upon the whys and wherefores of what happened.'
Excerpt taken from 'Disarming the Narcissist', Upcoming 3rd Edition, Wendy Behary, New Harbinger Publications.
Why you should Attend
Can you restore trust and rebuild a relationship after a sexual betrayal, with a narcissist? What does it take? How do I regain my voice, my sense of worth and evaporate the toxic shame that is evoked with this type of violation?
Areas Covered in the Session
In sexual betrayal trauma, your significant other is the perpetrator of the event- the hypersexual narcissist is one who is not only preoccupied with pornography viewing, or purchases sex from sex workers, or visits cybersex chat rooms, or has affairs, he feels entitled to do so -and therefore cannot serve you as a protector, a refuge for healing.
In fact, this person now becomes the consistent reminder of the hurtful and devastating reality of the offense they've committed and the broken trust. You may also become steeped in fear of recurrent violations, feeling the need to be on constant alert for signs of further betrayals. You acquire the new role of chief investigator and steadfast spy in order to feel safe. This is not a role you ever aspired to, but you feel unmoored without it.
Not surprising that narcissistic personalities are highly correlated with sexual betrayal. Sexual intentness is typically on the narcissist's terms only. 'I want what I want when I want it.' Sex can be accessed and experienced with the simple touch of a key on the lap top or electronic device, or with payment to someone rendering such services, with no strings attached; no reciprocity of meeting a need, being held accountable to a standard, no judgement or measurement for performance.
The stimulating rush is experienced through fantasized, fictionalized stories of a very desirable, master of the sexual universe. Because this soothing and stimulating distraction is so easily accessible-and narcissists tend toward detachment and quick gratification, as well as insufficient self-control, poor boundaries, and a sense of entitlement to do as they please-the probability for hypersexual acting-out and sex addiction become compelling.
Beyond ruptured vows, narcissists who have violated the sexual boundaries; who secretly view pornography or engage in other sexual encounters outside the relationship, are likely to deliver calamitous and heartbreaking blows to a partner's sense of worth, once discovered. Partners are forced to try to make sense out of how the person they thought they knew, the one who has violated one of the most essential elements their relationship-trust. Partners may even begin to question their own worth and value, feel shame, and self-loathing, as they anticipate other people finding out and as they look upon the whys and wherefores of what happened.'
Excerpt taken from 'Disarming the Narcissist', Upcoming 3rd Edition, Wendy Behary, New Harbinger Publications.
Why you should Attend
Can you restore trust and rebuild a relationship after a sexual betrayal, with a narcissist? What does it take? How do I regain my voice, my sense of worth and evaporate the toxic shame that is evoked with this type of violation?
Areas Covered in the Session
- Meaningful consequences (finding leverage) for the restoration of trust
- Identifying issues of narcissistic Shame, Denial, Defense, and externalized Blame
- Fortifying self-worth and healthy coping skills
Speaker
With 25+ years professional experienceand advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years.Wendy was on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York (until the Institutes merged in 2012), where she trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow and consulting supervisor for The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Aaron T. Beck’s Institute). Wendy served the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST) from 2010-2014, and is currently the chair of the Schema Therapy Development Programs Sub-Committee for the ISST; She also served as the Training and Certification Coordinator for the ISST Executive Board from 2008-2010.
Who Should Attend
- General Public
- Therapists
